I’m the only member of the team here at Motive who doesn’t type on account of my stubby paws. Trust me, I’ve tried, but when I hit the keyboard it just spews gobbledygook. Luckily I am able to control these dumb humans with my superior mind so I am making one of them type this out for me right now. They think they’re typing some kind of media release or whatever it is they do around here. But the truth is they’re doing my bidding – as always.
If you’re reading this (and you are) you’ve done well to find it. I told them I didn’t want it advertising that I’m the most powerful dog in PR, I prefer to keep a low profile, so I made them bury this post at the back of their blog. Only the dedicated can find it, like a secret Easter egg in a video game. So well done you! Like me you’re clearly more clever than most of those who surround us.
So what do I do all day in my role as Head of Barketing? Good question. The humans say my very presence inspires creativity. I don’t know if that’s true but I like to think sleeping most of the day in my bed and occasionally padding around the office for pats and strokes is well worth the salary. I also like to lick feet under the desks although it seems to drive Sarah crazy. Sometimes I hear them trying to think of new campaign ideas and I help them out through telepathy. Most of the award winning work we’ve done around here has been down to me.
Speaking of salary I don’t know when I’ll get paid. The MD Steve changes the subject every time it comes up. To be honest I don’t really care. I mean, do I look like a working dog to you? It’s enough to be able to laze about the place all day and bark at anyone who has the sheer audacity to walk past the front door. Don’t they know who I am? I take my secondary role as Head of Security very seriously. Can you believe that another dog has started coming to one of the neighbouring offices here? This bozo is a real primitive type of mutt. Bulging muscles and tiny brain, you know the type? Everyday he gets dragged past our building by some human on a lead (the dog not the human). He looks like a wrong un but I don’t let him intimidate me. I give him hell every time, barking at the window. It’s a good job I can’t get out for his sake, although if we did come nose to nose I’d probably just sniff.
All the humans at Motive talk about is clients and content and stories and coverage. All they seem to do is PR this, PR that. No wonder it sends me to sleep most of the time. The human who I live with (I let her think she’s my owner) is called Liz. She drives me here every day in her car. The journey to and from work is the worst thing about my job. It’s only around 20 minutes but I hate it. Sometimes I’m sick on the seat just to show her I’d rather stay home all day and do nothing. She doesn’t take the hint though. They can be really dumb these humans.
If you're enjoying my secret diary you can read Part 2 here - it's all about how I inspired the team during lockdown.